Dr. Mike Oluniyi.
Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Mat.19:6)
The third party may be anybody male or female other than your spouse, appearing to be so ‘useful’ and consequently competing to get the attention which your spouse should get from you. The agenda of the third party is usually to put a wedge within the gap in the relationship between you and your spouse so as to prevent you from achieving God’s purpose of bonding in marriage.
Third parties usually never come in as enemies to your relationship; their entry is subtle. Often, you may even be the one that will invite them because you feel you need them. For instance, your sister-in-law is having challenges in her marriage and instead of raising money to assist her to get an accommodation, you persuaded your spouse that since you have extra rooms in your residence, she should move in with your family because you have a feeling that she will be useful to you in carrying out some domestic tasks. However, after moving in, she becomes a problem in the relationship between you and your spouse.
She pretends to be so useful by making herself so available and exposing your weaknesses to the extent that your husband sees her as being indispensable or more useful than you. When she does anything wrong, your husband doesn’t see anything wrong with it but is rather perpetually blaming you for maltreating her.
Often too, the third part may not actually be residing with you at home but the influence he or she will be wielding from outside May even be more than if physically present in your home.
Two Great Mistakes We Often Make About Third Parties.
(i)We overestimate the usefulness of the third party.
However useful a third party is, he or she can never be more useful than your spouse. For instance, however useful your secretary is, never believe that she is more capable than your spouse. If you make the mistake of believing so, you are likely to be getting more and more closer to her that she may at a stage be the one that will be suggesting to you the decisions to take about matters which should have been the exclusive preserve of your spouse. Also however available a man may appear to be to you, you must never believe that he is more useful than your husband. Maybe when there is any issue at home, he is your preferred counsellor, you must never believe that he is better than your husband. If you do, you may not know when every move of your husband will become a subject of subtle scrutiny by him, thereby widening the gap between you and your husband.
(ii)We underestimate the potential harm that the third party may cause in our marital relationship. Any third party has the potential of creating a wedge between you and your spouse which only gets wider with the passage of time. It may actually get to a stage that your home may be threatened due to the activities of the third party.
Handling third parties.
The best way to handle third parties in your marriage is for you never to believe that anyone’s counsel is better than that of your spouse. When you believe that your spouse is the best, it is difficult for the third party to thrive. Secondly, do away with third party. However useful a third part is, just find a way of doing away with him or her once you discover that it is becoming a subject of arguments or quarrels in your home.
Due to our erroneous disposition towards third parties, we are usually the one that bring them into our marital relationship, forgetting that the third party is a deadly alternative to our spouse. Consequently, if you want healthy marital relationship, believe in your spouse and do away with anyone that can threaten the peace you are enjoying at home.
