MARITAL ANCHORS (4): THE CONNECTIONS OF A MARITAL ANCHOR.

Dr. Mike Oluniyi.

Introduction.

The anchor of a ship is always connected to strong cables to be able to carry out its responsibilities of holding the ship in place. Similarly, you must be connected to some vital cables that will make you to be able to act as an anchor to your home. If you are not well connected to those cables, you may discover that just a little wind will severe you, preventing you from being the stabilizing factor that you are supposed to be for your marriage.

CONNECTION TO GOD.

Your greatest source of stay as an anchor is your connection to God. You will derive great strength to hold on to your position without shifting if you are connected to God. You will discover, that nothing helps you to keep a home better than the consciousness that God is the author of marriage whom you don’t want to disappoint. Your desire to please God is directly proportional to your desire to keep a good home.
You will learn from His word the following amongst other truths:

That you are to be help for one another.

And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” (Gen.2:18)

That He expects you to be one with your spouse despite the challenges of life.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matt.19:6)

That through forgiveness, God will expect you to manage some messy situations in the life of your spouse.

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. (Eph.4:32)

That God actually hates divorce.

“For the LORD God of Israel says
That He hates divorce,
For it covers one’s garment with violence,”
Says the LORD of hosts.
“Therefore take heed to your spirit,
That you do not deal treacherously.” (Mal.2:16)

That you are to mutually love and submit to one another.

submitting to one another in the fear of God. (Eph.5:21)

That answers to prayer may be dependent on how you keep your home.

 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. (1Pet.3:7)

CONNECTIVITY TO QUALITY MARITAL PRINCIPLES.

To be an effective anchor too, you must be connected to quality marital principles. These principles will help you to constantly possess the stability to withstand any marital pressure. Some of those principles are:
No Surprise- This will make you to be aware that there is nothing your spouse would do that someone’s spouse has not done the worse. This will enable you to be able to forgive the most serious offenses.
Non Exposure- This principle will make you to refrain from exposing your spouse to the world as you realize that exposing him or her is exposing yourself.
News will Die- This principle will make you to know that even when your spouse has done something so embarrassing that it turned out to be the trending news; news will soon fade out.
Remembering Old Age- This principle will help you as an anchor to remember and work towards avoiding loneliness during old age. This helps you to endure what you may need to endure towards being together with your spouse during old age.
Non Retaliation- The principle will make you to make up your mind that however difficult it is for you, you will not retaliate whatever your spouse has done wrong. Many homes have drifted and sank because one partner believe that the most satisfying thing will be to retaliate even in a more deadly way, whatever their spouse might have done. They often forget that they are only complicating things and most of the time closing the potential doors towards reconciliation. As an anchor in your marriage, you must make up your mind that retaliation is outside what you can do.
Non Perfection- The principle will make you to believe that however good and sincere your spouse may be, there is no how he or she will be perfect. Because you believe in your spouse’s imperfection, when offenses come, it will be easy for you to understand.
Maximum Commitment. Never give up on your spouse. An anchor never gives up on the spouse. Even when you are highly inconvenienced but your life is not threatened, you don’t give up on your spouse. There are a lot of situations in marriage in which those who are less committed would have given up. However you will discover that there are others who with greater commitment would have stayed on. When your spouse is hurting you, it is not in all cases that it is his fault, as there are a lot of factors that may be responsible for such acts.
Legacy Creation- It will make you to be conscious of the marital legacy that you want to leave behind. What is the impact that you want your home to have on that of your children? If you are an anchor, there are times you you will go the extra mile just because you want to leave a good marital legacy for your children.

CONNECTIVITY TO SPOUSE.

Connectivity to spouse refers to your desire and practical efforts to be practically close to your spouse. Closeness to your spouse may be a great task, especially if your spouse is not seeing things the way you are seeing it. One major reason why you have to be connected to your spouse is that it makes it difficult for either of you to drift. Praying together, believing in each other’s vision, eating and doing other things together as well as depending on one another for counsel connects you together in a way that makes it difficult to act differently. When you do things together, it makes it easy to discover early when drifting is taking place and thus give you the opportunity to act to stem the tide.

CONNECTIVITY TO ROLE MODELS.

I can’t ever forget attending the 50th wedding anniversary of an old couple when I was very young. Everywhere was gold; the dressing, the decorations, the cake etc! I was so affected by what I witnessed during the celebration that I decided that I would also celebrate the golden jubilee of my own wedding. The effect of the experience is that a lot of times when challenges came in my marriage, I always remember my resolve to celebrate my marriage’s golden jubilee.
Models in terms of those who went ahead of you or those who are running their marriages well will go a long way in helping you to be an anchor for your marriage because of the good example you are seeing in your marital model.

Conclusion.

Just as the anchor of a ship will need strong cables to be able to keep the ship from drifting, the same is needed in the case of your marriage. Some of the general cables which you will need are discussed above. You should note however that the list is not exhaustive. For some special reasons, you may need a special cable to keep the ship of your home stable, which the home of your friend may not need. The most important thing to note is that you will need strong connecting cables to keep your home steady despite the torrents which may visit the ship of your home.