With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; (Eph.4:2)
THE LAW OF IMPERFECTION- You Must Learn To Live With The Weakness Or The Imperfection Of Your Spouse.
...a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness..." (2Cor.12:7-9)
Have you discovered something in your spouse which you won’t have put there if you were to be her creator? If you do, you are not alone, every man or woman you meet who is successful in marriage have to bear with an imperfection in the spouse. Most failed marriages could not make it because there was an area of weakness which one of them could not bear. For some women, their husband snores, for others the problem is aggressiveness, for yet others, it is one problem or the other. In our case as ministers of God, you may discover that your wife could not preach or probably sing like that of the wife of your friend.
One major secret of success in marriage is that you must learn to live joyfully with the weakness of your spouse without complaining. If you keep complaining you are not going to enjoy your marriage. You won’t because you will keep comparing with another person’s spouse which will not make your own spouse happy as your behavior would be displaying to her that she is inferior to your object of comparison.
SEVEN REASONS WHY YOU MUST BEAR WITH ONE ANOTHER
• Love Requires That You Bear With One Another.
One of the factors that shows that you love someone is your ability to overlook faults and imperfections. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1Cor.13:7)
• Excellence In Ministry Demands That You Bear With Your Spouse.
Ministry is not a solo business, there is bound to b’e an area in which your spouse will be a help for you in ministry. When you are always complaining about her area of weaknesses, you may end up making her to feel so inadequate that she may be unable to function even in her areas of strength. When that happens, you and your ministry are the ultimate losers. Despite the imperfection, there is something unique that God has embedded in your spouse which your complaints may not make you to recognize. Your inability to recognize that uniqueness or that trait that makes her your helper will shortchange your ministry and that in turn will reduce the effectiveness or the efficiency of your ministry.
• Finishing Strong Demands That You Bear With Your Spouse.
You can’t finish strong without bearing with him/her. If you can’t bear with the imperfection of your spouse, it will lead to problems which may draw you into the waiting arms of someone who possess what you abhor in her. When that happens, you will open doors for the devil to be able to operate unhindered in your ministry. There are many pastors today who have soiled their garments at the place of immorality. One problem with disobedience generally is that it may be as if God does not see you, whereas, you are already destroying yourself and your ministry. You can’t finish strong if you keep complaining about the weaknesses of your spouse because it will lead you somewhere that the grace of of God will depart from your life and ministry.
And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, With weeping and crying; So He does not regard the offering anymore, Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. (Mal.2:13-14)
• Everyone Else Is Bearing Something With The Spouse.
Another reason why you must bear with your spouse in his / her area of imperfections is that every man or woman that is having a home is bearing something with the spouse. One day, we had a couples program, after which the participants were asked to tell us something unique that they were coping with in their spouse. A minister of God who had been married for over thirty years told us that his wife had never said sorry for any offense, since they married over three decades ago.Your partner is also bearing something with you. Another reason why you must bear with your spouse is that he or she is also bearing with you in a way which you are not even aware of. The fact that there are no complaints from your wife does not mean you are perfect but may be because she is afraid of what your reaction may be; which is yet another thing that she is bearing with you, your violent tendencies.
The Journey Is Far.
I have discovered that most individuals will spend nothing less than about two thirds of their life time in their marital relationships. In other words, if you marry at the age of twenty five and you are hoping to be seventy five to one hundred years before you die, you would have spent between two thirds and three quarters of your life with your spouse. If you have spent just ten or twenty years of your life in this relationship and you are busy complaining about your spouse, that means you have not really put things in proper perspectives. In our case as ministers of God, we are going to spend our entire ministry lives with that man or woman that we have married. If that is the case, it may be better if we accept that fact and enjoy whatever God has packaged into our spouse.
• To Avoid Being a Hypocrite.
As a pastor or leader, your members are watching you to see if you are practicing what you preach. Your children are watching too, as you are like a mirror. As pastors, we need to always remember that our home is the best laboratory where we have to practice whatever we are preaching. If you preach tolerance to your members but fail to practice it with your spouse, then you are at best a hypocrite.
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness. (Matt.23:27-28)
• That Your Prayers May Not Be Hindered.
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. (1Pet.3:7)
FACTORS THAT PREVENT YOU FROM BEARING WITH ONE ANOTHER.
• When You Have Alternative Attraction.
• When Faith Fails.
• When You Are Unappreciative To God.
• When You Don’t Put Things In Proper Perspective.
• When You Lack Wisdom Of God.
• When you lose THE BATTLE OF EASE in marriage
• When The Devil Is At Work In Your Ministry.
Dr. Mike Oluniyi.
