...one chase a thousand, and two put ten thousand to flight,...(Deut.32:30)
Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. (Eccl. 4:9-10)
The power of unity in the relationship between the minister and his wife in ministry can’t be overemphasized. It is not an overstatement to aver that whatever the exploits a minister of God is doing in ministry without his wife would be multiplied in multiple folds if the two of them are walking in unity. However, that is not the case in the life and ministry of many ministers of God. Many only pretend to others that it is well with their homes, whereas, opposite is the case. This write up is an attempt to look at some of the factors responsible for lack of unity in the home of many ministers of God.
IGNORANCE OF YOUR ROLE IN THE LIFE OF YOUR SPOUSE.
One of the major obstacles to unity in the pastor’s home is ignorance. Think of it, after God created everything at creation, he saw that everything was good. The only thing that was not good was the fact that man was alone. He then decided to provide a partner for him so that he would no longer be alone. If you look at Gods word at the creation of Eve, God said Genesis 2:18. “…It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him”. If you really understand the role of you and your spouse for one another, you are to be helpers of one another. The definition of help is something or someone that makes a work to be done more easily. If your purpose is to make work to be done easily, it means that your cooperation with your spouse in any area of life will make the combined efforts of the two of you to be multiples of what he would have achieved alone.
LOSS OF TRUST.
Often, the obstacle is loss of trust due to previous offenses. This is a major obstacle against unity in the home because when there is loss of trust, it is not easy to be committed to relationship. However, we must all realize the fact that there is no way that we won’t offend one another. Although the offense which your husband committed against you may be a great one, the truth is that if you look around very well, you are likely to discover another person’s spouse who has done something more serious. The counsel therefore is, even when you spouse has betrayed trust, you should endeavor to build up trust once again. Without trust, it will be impossible to unite to achieve great things in ministry.
IGNORANCE OF THE BREVITY OF LIFE.
Ignorance of the fact that we have a definite time to spend on the stage of life is another obstacle to the working together of couples in ministry. If you started well at the age of thirty but your husband offended you five years into ministry and you are still nursing the wound and it has prevented you from cooperating with him to make landmark achievements for ten years; imagine that his performance on the stage of ministry is until he is sixty. That means you have cut off a significant part of the impact that you could have made together in ministry by ten years!
You must always remember that you can’t be in ministry forever, there is a time for you to be on stage and a time for you to leave, but the impact you make during the period matters. If you don’t work together to make the impact that you have the potential to make, you will look back with regrets later when younger ones take over and are doing what you could have done.
REACTIONS DUE TO LACK OF FULFILLMENT.
Often, when there are unmet needs in the life of the pastor’s wife which she felt that her husband is responsible for it, she may react by withholding her support. For instance, there are pastors who required their wives to resign from their places of work so as to team up with them in ministry but the demands of the ministry did not allow the need of such wives to be met. We as pastors sometimes underestimate the financial needs of our wives in the area of child rearing. At a time, two of our children were in Babcock University. That year as they were going back to school, I had paid the fees which was quite a considerable chunk of money and thought that it was over. However, my wife went to the market with our girls and by the time they came back and I saw the items they brought, I knew the importance of empowering one’s wife. The truth is that there are things that your children will need that they will prefer to ask their mum. There are also some expectations that she may need to meet from her own family without which she won’t feel fulfilled. When there are disappointments in such ways, it may serve as obstacles to unity in the home.
FRUSTRATIONS DUE TO LACK OF ROLE APPRECIATION.
A good number of ministers of God don’t really appreciate the roles of their wives in ministry. Usually, the problem is usually due to comparisons. As a pastor you may be coveting the way the wives of your friends are preaching, whereas your own wife can only pray. But, who told you that prayer is not important? There are many ministers that believe that a woman who can’t sing is not an ideal pastor’s wife. If your wife neither sings or preaches but he makes your home conducive for you to do ministry, she is a great asset. It is when you meet a lady who can preach but is not giving her husband peace of mind that you will realize how useful your wife has been. Appreciate the role of your wife, as lack of the appreciation of her role may discourage her from uniting with you for greater exploits.
EXTERNAL RELATIONAL FORCES.
In a lot of cases, the obstacle to unity has to do with those that the wife or the husband relates with. There are matters which you are managing at home that if others hear about it they will teach you what to do against your spouse, except you are wise. A pastor’s wife in relating closely with another pastor as the executive committee of a society discovered that the pastor was a very difficult human being to relate with. She started wondering how the wife had been able to cope over the years with such a difficult man. Consequently, when she saw the wife, she asked her the question that had been bothering her; “Ma, how have you been able to cope with your husband despite the difficulty in relating with him?” The answer which she was given was a classical one which made me to always remember the incident, she answered “exactly the way you have been able to cope with your own husband”. The answer ended further enquiries. External relational forces will, unless you are wise make you create unnecessary problems at home.
EXTERNAL SPIRITUAL FORCES.
‘For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.’ (Eph.6:12)
The work of ministry is done in opposition to the plans of the devil. Consequently, you can’t expect him to just allow you to keep on destroying his work. In battling with you, he knows that the best way to deal with you is by creating problems between you and your spouse. When that happens, the level of cooperation between the two of you is badly impacted, making it easy for him to operate. He knows that however much you are able to do without your spouse, you would have done more if you were in one accord. That is why your wife has dual purpose of being potential instrument in the hand of both the Holy Spirit and the devil, depending on the one she submits to.
Conclusion.
There are numerous obstacles which has the potential of destroying th foundation of unity in the pastor’s home. If you are a pastor who wants to make great impact for your generation, or a wife who really desires to please God by being a help for your husband’s ministry, you must be determined not to give room for the obstacles to operate. This will make you and your spouse to maximize your impact in ministry for God who called you.
Dr. Mike Oluniyi.
