STRICTLY FOR THE PASTOR’S WIFE (18):

THE TEST OF KEEPING YOUR VINEYARD.

Dr. Mike Oluniyi.

QUESTION: Will You Be Able To Overcome The Pressure To Ignore Your Vineyard?

Look not upon me, because I am black,
because the sun hath looked upon me:
my mother's children were angry with me;
they made me the keeper of the vineyards;
but mine own vineyard have I not kept.(SS.1:6)

Often in the quest for the growth of the ministry, many ministers of God ignore their family to their own detriment. The demands of the ministry in terms of time, talent and resources are so great that many forget paying attention to their family in the process.

In the scripture above, the writer was lamenting that he kept the general vineyard, and despite that, people still complained about the vineyard. However, in keeping the vineyard they complained about, he abandoned his own vineyard.

It is the same story in the life of many ministers of God about their families. As a passionate minister of God who loves the work of God, you will discover that the work never ends. It is either you are raising money to buy land for the church, to build, to buy musical equipments, paying the debt of the last convention or preparing for the next one etc. You may also be raising money to print tracts, send people on mission, sponsor the children of some missionaries etc. It may also be that a member is sick or needs school fees for the child who had been sent away from school, some youth gained admission to higher institution or a member is in one problem or the other. In many growing ministries, when the pastor visits, instead of being given gifts, he is informed that the landlord has given them a quit notice. What will your husband do in the process of attending to these myriads of problems in ministry? Of course, he has to do something! However, you must keep reminding your husband that his family comes second, only after God. As much as he has to attend to the needs of the ministry, he must pay attention to the needs of his family, including the spiritual and academic welfare of his children.

Sometimes, as much as you may remind the pastor, he may not listen to you, because the needs just have to be attended to. That is where you come in as the pastor’s wife. Even if your husband fails to make adequate provision for the children, you must remember that your children come first. You must be determined to give your children the best you can afford. Several of the needs of the ministry, as urgent as they are, may wait to be done later. But, once the education of your children fails, you may live to regret it. This warning may sound selfish, but something happened some years back that made me to take this issue very serious. I attended the funeral ceremony of the general overseer of a big ministry in Nigeria. When it was time to read the scriptures during the service, the first son was asked to read the scriptures. But alas, he could barely read the English Bible. In fact, it was embarrassing to the ministry how he just muddled up the reading of the scripture and left the podium. You can’t blame the young man. The time he was supposed to be getting the rudiments of education, the man of God and probably mummy were busy with the Lord’s work. They probably forgot the scriptures in 1 Timothy 5:8:

‘But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel’

Often when we read this scripture, we usually conclude that it is all about money. Please be informed however that, sometimes, money is not enough. Even if you have money to put them in a good hostel because you are too busy to take care of them at home, it means a lot to them when you come personally on visiting days and closing days to pick them rather than the driver. Again, dear pastor’s wife, even if the man of God is too busy to do that, please be available. Let us look at some of the dangers of not tending your vineyard in ministry:

1. There is time and purpose for everything.
   There is a period you must ensure you devote time and resources to the training of your children. If you fail to put your children on the right path, both spiritually and academically, and at the right time, if you later mobilize all the money in the whole world, you may not be able to right the wrongs that lack of attention would have done in the lives of the children. As the pastor’s wife, you must ensure that your children are given priority. Be interested in what is going on in their studies and their relationships.
2. The place of your biological children is distinct.
   Your spiritual children may support you during old age but may not really be able to take the place of your biological children. We have many fathers in the faith that were taken care of by their spiritual children. However much they take care of you, if you don’t train your children, spiritual children can’t really take their place. Even if you are not expecting much from them in your old age, it will be a source of deep concern to you if they are not in good position.
3. They may become rebellious to your God.
   Because they would have the feeling that it was the work of ministry that prevented you from attending to them at the right time, they may rebel against your God in the future. Imagine, children that you put in the hostel but you are unable to visit them in the hostel. At the end of the term, it is the driver you sent to go and pick them. Even during the holiday, you don’t have time for them due to the work of ministry. Consequently, though you provided for them, the fact that ministry did not allow them to experience the close relationship they would have loved to have with their parents, will make them not to be interested in following your God in the future.
4. Wrong Training.
   There is no vacuum in nature. Once you are not available to provide the required training and answer their questions, there will be someone in their life at particular junctures that would take your place. Unfortunately, those agents at the end of the day may teach them the wrong way of life which you will only live to regret during your old age.
5. They may abandon you during old age.
   Because you did not develop the required emotional attachment to them while they were young, they may not feel connected to you later in life which can make them to abandon you during your old age. Once they get married or they travel out of the country, they gradually forget about you.
6. They Often Lack The Training To Be Able To Take Over.
   One particular sad situation that may arise in the future is that they may not be qualified to take over what you used the whole of your lives to build up. You may ask the question whether they are supposed to take over the ministry. The answer is, not in all cases. However, what is wrong in them taking over if God says so. If they have not been trained, God will not allow you to hand over to them. But if they are trained, God may use them to succeed you. There are many cases that at the death of the founder of a ministry, none of the children is either in the position or even qualified to take over.
7. In the end, you may not have the testimony of Apostle Paul.
   Paul said in 2 Timothy 4:7-8; I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.

For a minister of God that abandoned his vineyard, either by not training the children or abandoning the wife, the testimony of Paul above can’t be replicated in his life. Someone that was careless about the family cannot be said to have finished well.

As the pastor’s wife, even if ministry has prevented your husband or he ignorantly did not put his priorities right in the area of the training of the children spiritually and academically, you are expected to rise to the occasion by creating an atmosphere to make the necessary corrections. The problem in many cases may not really be money but that of time. Wherever your husband is lacking, you should step in and fill the vacuum to the best of your ability. The Sunday school teacher alone cannot provide the foundation that your child will need in the faith. The vital life lessons that he needs to learn are better learnt as he observes you relating with others and responding to situations. In many cases too, your intervention may be financial. If you have to be the one paying school fees at a particular point in time, never feel that you are doing anything special. Do it faithfully, as your labour over the children will definitely be richly rewarded. One final caution here: the fact that you are carrying out some responsibilities over the children should not make you to be inciting your children against their father or saying things that can make your husband not to be able to reprimand them when they err. If you do so, you will be unknowingly destroying the future of the children or sowing the seeds whose fruits will be bitter to your taste in the future. Whatsoever you have to do as a result of the pastor’s inability should be done as unto God; you will be adequately rewarded in the future.

Will You Be Able To Overcome The Pressure To Ignore Your Vineyard?