A good percentage of ministers of God failed at the place of balancing the relationship with their spouse and their God given vision. The vision that God has given you is your source of relevance in life and ministry, but your marriage is also so important that if you don’t manage it well, either of three things will happen:
Failure to actualize the vision. This failure has to do with the situation in which you receive the vision, you understand it but you are not able to actualize it because of crisis at home.
Failure to maximize the vision. This failure has to do with inability to stretch the vision that God has given you to the possible extent because of marital challenges.
Failure to last with the vision. This failure has to do with situations in which you start the vision but the vision got truncated because of crisis at home.
False Impressions of Success In Ministry.
Before we go into discussing the three failures above, let me state here that there are ministers of God that have changed their spouses severally, or are not even having a home, yet appears to be doing well in ministry. Such ministers may give you false impression of success in ministry. If you have got married before and for one reason or the other you are not able to keep your home and you are giving others the impression that it is well, inwardly, you really know that it is not really well.
HOW TO CARRY YOUR SPOUSE TO ALONG WITH YOUR VISION.
There are also numerous Christian leaders who though are not having any problem at home are still not able to carry along their spouse in ministry.
Carrying along your spouse along or making your spouse to run with your God given vision is a task that must be done, if you want to experience real success in ministry. There are myriads of problems which may militate against harmony that will make you to achieve such feat. However there are several principles which you may make use of in achieving such feat. The following material is from Making Your Spouse To Run With Your Vision, by the author.
THE PRINCIPLE OF VISION SHARING.
And the Lord answered me, and said,
Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables,
that he may run that readeth it.
For the vision is yet for an appointed time,
but at the end it shall speak, and not lie:
though it tarry, wait for it;
because it will surely come, it will not tarry. [Hab. 2:2 &3]
- Your spouse must know what you are called to do before being able to run with your vision
If you desire that your spouse will run with your vision, he or she must understand what your vision is all about. Does your spouse know what God has called you to do? The scripture above talks about writing down the vision and making it plain so that he that reads it may run with it. This is talking about adequate publicity for the vision you have been given. You must look for means of making those that need to know get acquainted with what you have been asked to do and other details so far given unto you about the vision because you can’t do it alone. Another reason why you need to write it down and publish it orally and in printed form is that the vision is for an appointed time. A lot of times, what God asks you to do may not be now. If your wife understands the vision very well, even when you want to divert into other things or you are discouraged, she will supply the needed energy because she knows and believes in what you have been asked to do. THE PRINCIPLE OF BUILDING ACCORDING TO THE GIVEN PATTERN.
…for, See, saith he, that thou make all things according to the pattern shewed to thee in the mount. [Hebrews 8:5b]
- When you do what you are called to do, there will be consistency and trust
Building according to pattern is all about doing what God has shown you in the vision you were given. Today in ministry there is so much temptation to do things that are not part of what you have been asked to do. Sometimes, what God has asked you to do appears to be too simple and you start looking for something big that will make people to know that God has really called you. At the end of the day, you get your life complicated and start praying and fasting that God should come to your aid because you think that you are working for Him. You might have forgotten that it is only what God orders that He pays for. Sometimes, what God has called another person to do appear to pull more crowd than your own assignment and you adjust your own so that you can also pull crowd. You might have forgotten that if God needed crowd for your assignment, He can do it better than you can, without stress.
Every diversion from your vision confuses your spouse and makes him or her to see inconsistency which leads to erosion of trust in the vision.
THE PRINCIPLE OF GOAL SETTING.
For if the trumpet give an uncertain sound, who shall prepare himself to the battle? [1 Cor. 14:8]
- When you have time-bound set goals, it motivates you to achieve
Goal-setting is vital for your spouse and others to know what to do next. Your vision is so broad but you need to break it down into time-bound achievable goals. When it is in such state, it motivates everyone involved to achieve success.
Within your vision, what do you plan to achieve this year and this quarter?
THE PRINCIPLE OF ROLE APPRECIATION AND FAULT BLINDNESS.
- When you appreciate the role of your spouse, she is motivated to do more
The principle of role appreciation and fault blindness propagates the appreciation of the contributions of your spouse to the ministry and the refusal to focus on faults. Many of us are guilty of condemning whatever our spouse does and emphasizing their faults. If your wife leads the women or coordinates the youth, appreciate her for it. If her own area is intercession, appreciate her for this vital role and stop comparing her with another pastor’s wife that can preach even better than her husband. Even if it is only for taking care of your children and making the home conducive for you to thrive in ministry, please appreciate your spouse. Be blind to the faults of your spouse. It is not as if you cannot mention some things which you feel your spouse could improve upon but emphasizing faults especially in the presence of others may discourage him or her from making more efforts.
THE PRINCIPLE OF ACCEPTANCE OF COMPLEMENTARY VISION.
- When you support the complementary vision of your spouse, it enlarges yours.
This principle talks about accepting and co-owning the vision God has given your spouse.
Many ministers of God are at war with their spouse over the vision that God has given their spouse. There are also pastors who feel threatened about the gifts of their spouse. This should not be. God is not the author of confusion, when a vision is given to your spouse, it is usually to complement your own. When as male minister, you support her vision, it enlarges your own. Every pastor’s wife should also know that the vision that God has given them is to complement that of their husbands. And husbands should support, encourage and be involved in their spouses’ vision so that she will also further believe that she and her ministry are part of the larger vision.
THE PRINCIPLE OF SPOUSAL COUNSEL AND EVALUATION.
- When you know how far you have gone, you will know what is yet to be achieved
Spousal counsel and evaluation here is about being open enough to allow your spouse to have a look at what you are doing and pass comments. Many ministers of God feel that it is only God that has given them the assignment who can tell them whether they are doing it right or wrong. You may be right to some extent, but, if your spouse is in the picture, he or she should be able to occasionally say something about whether or not you are on course. That is one of the reasons why your spouse has been given to you as a help in the first place. You need the help of someone as close as your spouse to be able to look you in the face and tell you that a particular step you have taken or about to take is wrong. There have been few times when my wife has been wrong about her assessments but I want to confess she has almost always been right and I have often regretted putting aside her counsels. If the way you are seeing something is significantly different from the way your spouse is seeing it, it may be better for you to seek the face of God before doing it your own way because I have discovered that God has a reason for giving you your spouse. Such spousal counsel is often another way of God speaking to you.
When your spouse has a say in your assignment through counseling and evaluation, it generates the feeling that you are in the ministry together. Such spouse might want to go the extra mile to ensure that things work out well for the ministry.
THE PRINCIPLE OF THE JOINT ALTAR.
- When you pray together concerning your vision, there is joint burden sharing
The principle of joint altar is such a powerful catalyst for your spouse to run with your vision. Anything you pray about, you will be on the lookout for it to come to pass. When you and your spouse hold hands to pray about a matter, you can be sure that God is more likely to respond because the two of you are actually one to Him. In fact, when you pray alone it is only half of you that is praying.
If you want your spouse to be passionate about your vision, it does not just happen. There is a need to work towards it and even when it is achieved, there is a need to keep paying attention to the above principles as it is a proof of being a significant stakeholder.
As Christian leaders, there are various areas in our leadership where we may experience one challenge or the other. However, the area that speaks loudest when there are issues is that of marriage. Out of the six verses outlining the qualifications of Christian leaders in 1Tim.3:1-6, three verses; verses 2,4,and 6 talks about the family. That means the role of the home, in Christian leadership cannot be overemphasized. Consequently, praying together is a vital tool towards making a difference with your home.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. (1Pet.3:7)
Dr. Mike Oluniyi.
