“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!.. (Psalm 133:1)
“Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:
Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing:..(1Peter 3:8-9)
Unity in marriage is both precious and powerful. Scripture compares it to holy oil and refreshing dew—symbols of divine approval and spiritual vitality. Yet, the Bible also makes it clear that unity does not happen automatically. It must be protected, nurtured, and intentionally maintained.
Conflict Is Inevitable
Conflict is not a sign that a marriage is failing; it is a sign that two imperfect people are learning to live as one.
Conflict does not respect:
• Age
• Length of marriage
• Spiritual maturity
• Educational background
• Financial status
Every marriage, no matter how godly, will experience moments of tension, misunderstanding, and disagreement.
The difference between successful and broken marriages is not the absence of conflict, but how conflict is managed.
TWO WAYS TO HANDLE CONFLICT
- Positive Management – Resolution
This leads to:
• Growth
• Deeper understanding
• Emotional safety
• Stronger unity
• Greater intimacy
When conflict is handled with humility, communication, prayer, and wisdom, it becomes a tool for maturity rather than destruction.
- Negative Management – Separation
When conflict is mishandled, ignored, or suppressed, it leads to:
• Emotional distance
• Resentment
• Bitterness
• Silence
• Gradual separation (even while living together)
Unresolved conflict never dies—it only waits for an opportunity to resurface.
COMMON SOURCES OF CONFLICT IN MARRIAGE
1. Inability to Leave Home
Emotional or parental attachment that competes with the marriage bond violates Genesis 2:24. Marriage demands emotional independence.
2. Pride and Lack of Brokenness
Pride refuses to apologize. Pride insists on being right. Pride destroys intimacy.
3. Taking Each Other for Granted
Familiarity often breeds carelessness. What is not appreciated will eventually be neglected.
4. Lack of Depth in God
A shallow spiritual life produces shallow love. Couples who do not grow spiritually together struggle emotionally.
5. Inability to Accept Imperfections
Marriage is not about perfection but acceptance and growth.
6. Unwillingness to Compromise
Marriage is not a battlefield for dominance but a partnership that requires sacrifice.
7. Intimacy Issues
Emotional or physical neglect opens doors to frustration, temptation, and misunderstanding.
8. Financial Pressure
Money issues often reveal deeper issues of trust, communication, and leadership.
9. Lack of Understanding of God’s Purpose for Marriage
When marriage is seen as a personal contract instead of a divine covenant, commitment becomes optional.
10. Wrong Foundation
Any marriage not built on Christ, truth, and purpose will struggle to withstand storms.
WHEN CONFLICT IS NOT RESOLVED EARLY
Unresolved conflict produces dangerous consequences:
• You begin to store past offenses.
• Emotional distance replaces intimacy.
• Independence replaces partnership.
• You begin to confide in the wrong people.
• Walls are built instead of bridges.
• Small issues grow into major divisions.
• Love becomes duty instead of delight.
CONCLUSION
Conflict is unavoidable, but destruction is not.
When handled with humility, love, wisdom, and godly counsel, conflict becomes a tool for growth rather than a weapon of destruction. God’s desire is not merely that couples stay together, but that they dwell together in unity, where He commands the blessing.
Unity invites blessing.
Wisdom preserves peace.
Humility sustains love.
(Dr. Mike Oluniyi during the HE MOTION- SHE MOTION MARRIAGE CONFERENCE @ RCCG SILICON VALLEY, CALIFORNIA USA. On Thursday 5th April 2024)
