THE TEST OF CRITICISM.
QUESTION: Are You Ready For The Bullets?
Let me start this unit with a fable. One day a man and his son were going on a long journey. As an elderly person, he rode on the horse while the son trekked along. As they were going, they saw people complaining. When they listened very well, the complaint was that the old man was labelled as being wicked for riding on the horse and making his the son to tag along on foot. The man quickly came down from the horse, placed his son on it while he trekked along. They continued on the journey and were actually enjoying the trip as they chatted along. Soon, people started looking at them again and complaining that they did not do it right. Why should the old man be walking while the son was riding the horse? According to them, the boy was not fair to the old man. To satisfy them, the old man made the horse to stop, he and the son climbed the horse and continued the journey. The horse did not complain and the two of them too were enjoying the trip. Along the journey again, people started grumbling as to why the two of them should be on the horse. According to them, it was wickedness that made them to do so, as they could easily weary the horse. The man looked at his son and the horse and wondered what they could do to satisfy the world. He then decided to come down from the horse as well as his son and allowed the horse to go along with them unburdened as they continued in the journey. Before long, however, people started laughing and making jest of such stupid fellows. How could they allow the horse to go freely while they went on foot for such a long journey? The lesson from the fable is that there is nothing you do that people will not criticize you.
Criticism is the practice of judging the merits and faults of something. In the church, just as in the world, no leader is free from criticism. However fair you are in your judgements or however good you are in your decisions, people will still find fault and complain. You may look at your position that you are just the pastor’s wife, but the truth is that sometimes, the womenfolk you lead are even more difficult to lead than the entire church. You must therefore expect to be criticized. If you don’t expect criticism as part of what will come your way, then you may soon be frustrated and be rendered incapable of your position. You will find yourself to be at war with those you, along with your husband, has been called to lead. When you start a running battle with them, you would have defeated the primary purpose of being a help to your husband. Many pastors’ wives, as a result of handling criticism poorly, have made their husband to lose steam in ministry. However wonderful, accommodating and upright you are, however adept you are in handling the issues of life and ministry, there are people who will not like how you do things. It may not because you are not doing things right but they must just find something to say. Even Jesus Christ and John the Baptist were criticized.
For John the Baptist came neither eating bread nor drinking wine, and you say, ‘He has a demon.’ The Son of Man has come eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Look, a glutton and a winebibber, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’(Lk.7:33-34)
If Jesus was criticized, then you don’t stand any chance not to be criticized. In fact, the more visible and the more impact you make as a pastor’s wife, the greater the chances of being criticized. You must therefore take criticism as a normal feature of your life as a pastor’s wife.
THE NORMAL RESPONSE TO CRITICISM.
Usually when we are criticized, we view it as a malicious attack on us. Consequently, we respond in two ways:
The first reaction is to defend ourselves against the attack. Consequently, we deny, explain or offer excuses to show that the criticism is baseless.
The second reaction is counterattack! We attack the critic with everything at our disposal, including harsh words meant to reduce the person’s capacity to hurt us further. We also use such words as revenge. According to Franklin (2017), rather than allowing criticism to provoke an automatic defensive and antagonistic reaction, we’ll get much better results when we carefully consider the criticism, and respond appropriately. He went further to state that there are three different types of criticisms:
ACCURATE CRITICISM
An accurate criticism is essentially valid though it may not be 100% correct.
Whoever heeds life-giving correction
will be at home among the wise.
Those who disregard discipline despise themselves,
but the one who heeds correction gains understanding.(Prov.15:31-32)
If someone criticizes you that you are judgemental about the dressing of youths in the church but less mindful of the dressing of your own children, and you sincerely know that there are ways your children dress which are inappropriate when compared with the standard you’ve laid down, then the criticism is accurate. Though you might have asked your children not to wear those kind of dresses to church or even near the church, the fact that your children wear such is what you should pay attention to. God can use criticism as an instrument to correct you. Consequently, you should view accurate criticism as an opportunity to change in the area it points to.
INACCURATE CRITICISM.
And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth (2Tim.2:24-25)
Inaccurate criticism is sincere criticism that is based on ignorance or false information. One of the best ways to prevent inaccurate critics is to be as transparent as possible. Steps being taken in the ministry should as much as possible be made known to the members. If not, people are bound to base their actions on what they perceive to be going on.
The women group in a church used to contribute towards a fund for the hostel which they want to build for commercial purposes. The fund was kept in an account to which the pastor’s wife and the women secretary were signatories. While a major reconstruction was going on in the church, the pastor persuaded his wife to release the women’s fund towards the work to be refunded later. She had no problem persuading the secretary to sign the check for the withdrawal of the said amount from the bank. She neither explained the purpose to the secretary nor to other members of the executive of women. Though the pastor planned to pay the money back to women’s account, it was not possible to do so until one of the EXCO of the women got an attractive offer for the women to purchase a building which they would just renovate and convert to hostel. Everyone could see that it was a very good offer which came as a result of the death of the owner and the need for the family to raise money for fees for the deceased’s children. The popular opinion at the meeting was that the money should be withdrawn. However, since the pastor’s wife knew that the fund was not intact, she opposed the move. Unfortunately for her, at the same period, her brother sent a car to her from a foreign country. People started suspecting that it was part of their money that was used to buy the car. The secretary opened up that she signed cheque severally for withdrawals and it started going round in the church that it was the women’s money that she used to buy the expensive car.
In the above case, the pastor’s wife could have called the women EXCO and made them to know that the money was being released to the church. A lot of things we hide often come up to embarrass us later. When you are wrongly criticized due to ignorance or faulty or wrong information, the accuser does not mean to hurt you. How do you respond? Let’s look at our introductory scripture again:
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth (2Tim.2:25)
The scripture suggests that such people should be patiently instructed or taught, since their flawed criticism is based on faulty information or ignorance. When such people gain the knowledge of the truth, then, the next verse:
and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.(2Tim.2:26)
So, when you are battling with inaccurate criticism, it provides you the opportunity to teach.
Malicious Criticism
Malicious criticism, as the name implies, is a deliberate attempt to criticize as a result of malice with the intention to cause harm, embarrass or make one feel bad.
You But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.(Mat.5:44-45)
The reasons why people may want to maliciously criticize you are endless. It may be due to envy. It may also be as a result of offenses. The most important thing, however, is to remember that whatever may be the reason and however hurtful it may be, God expects you to forgive. Apart from the fact that you are expected to forgive, you can’t afford to be in enmity with members with your position as the pastor’s wife. You are expected to be someone who will be tough enough for the bullets of criticism.
Are You Ready For The Bullets?
Dr. Mike Oluniyi.
