THE TEST OF LEADERSHIP
QUESTION: Can You Be Trusted?
Whoever walks in integrity walks securely,
but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out (Pro.10:9)
As a pastor’s wife, sometimes you may feel that you are not a leader. But the truth is that by virtue of your position, you are. For you to be able to perform your role effectively, you need to develop some leadership skills. One of the most important qualities of a good leader is integrity. Integrity means the quality of being the same person whether in the public or private life. For instance, when you tell the women in the church something and you are seen not to be doing it in your own private life, you are not a person of integrity. When you don’t have integrity, you can’t be trusted, and when you can’t be trusted, you can’t be a leader. If you miss it in the place of integrity, your leadership will not be effective.
There are pastors’ wives that are having issues because of the inability of the people they lead to trust them as a result of what they have done in the past or because they have consistently betrayed their trust. Let me share the testimony of a pastor’s wife with you.
THE INTEGRITY TEST IN THE LIFE OF A PASTOR’S WIFE
The following is a testimony that was shared by a pastor’s wife during a Bible study years ago. Not long after her wedding, her husband, in preparation for the work of ministry, was admitted to the Emmanuel College of Theology, Ibadan Nigeria. She was then teaching at a boarding school in Ikenne, Ogun State Nigeria. A very good percentage of the staff were married women. She noticed that many of them had one man or different men that come periodically to take them out. The experience made her to keep wondering why married women would be involved in extramarital affairs. Then, one day, a particular one among them came to ask her why she used to stay alone during the weekends. The pastor’s wife responded by telling her that she was surprised the woman could ask her such a question, knowing that she was married and the husband is an intending pastor. The woman laughed and asked her whether she knew what her husband was doing over there. She continued that she was also a happily married woman, but one that was wise enough to have a man who served as ‘standby generator’ when her husband was not around. She counselled her to have such standby generator whom she could easily get for her, so as to avoid ‘blackout’ when the husband was not around and who could also be a source of cash, when needed. The pastor’s wife dismissed the woman by telling her that she would never involve herself in such relationship. Periodically, the woman would make jest of her by calling her Ruth and the pastor’s wife would also respond by calling her standby generator.
Years later, the husband completed his training at the theological college and became a priest in the Anglican Church. She also was transferred from the school and she forgot about the adulterous women. Then, her husband was transferred to Adeola Odutola Anglican Church in Ijebu Ode. On her first Sunday at the church, she needed to be introduced along with her husband as the wife of the new vicar. Lo and behold, the woman who advised her to have standby generator was one of the women leaders in the church!
Can you imagine what the relationship would have been, if the pastor’s wife had followed her counsel to have a standby generator that time. Instead of the high level of respect she attracted as her pastor’s wife, the opposite would have been the case. If you were the standby generator woman, you wouldn’t have seen any reason to respect or trust the pastor’s wife because you were all having extramarital affairs when you were together. You could even tell the other women what the pastor’s wife was doing when you were teaching together. That would have been a major problem for the leadership of the pastor’s wife throughout her serving in that church. It may be worse if it is a non-transferable location, i.e., wife of the general overseer. You will not be able to rebuke such women because you know that they have your secret. Such situations exist in churches where pastors’ wives have been sabotaged for one reason or the other. It becomes a painful secret in the life of the pastor’s wife when someone is using it to sabotage her leadership.
Integrity is not just about keeping marital vows. Can you also be trusted to keep money and be able to make it available when required? Can you also generally be trusted to keep your word or be mindful of how you manage your tongue? Always remember what James 3:6 says about the tongue:
And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.
If you don’t manage your tongue very well to know when to talk and when not to talk, what to say and what to conceal, you may never be a help to the ministry of your husband.
A lot of conflicts usually come up among women from gossiping. If there is a conflict among women in the church and it is discovered that the false news has emanated from you, you will lose your respect. You must therefore be mindful of what you tell people. You must neither be part of nor be the source of gossip.
Another source of problem for your leadership is the issue of favouritism. This may come as your way of rewarding loyalty or faithfulness to you. However, you must constantly remember that you are the mother of all. When you have different measures for different people for the same offence, you will succeed in dividing the church into two or more antagonistic camps unknowingly.
Finally, if you want to be a good leader, you must control your reactions to the reports you are given. However serious a situation is, you must pause before giving your advice. In your position as a pastor’s wife, a lot of matters will be reported to you. Be careful how you respond. There are counsels that may become a source of problem for you if you don’t use wisdom. For instance, a woman may tell you how her husband has been maltreating her. If you look at it on the surface, there may be the need for the woman to take some steps. However, the same woman you taught the steps to take may settle the issue with her husband that night, and during their intimate discussions, share with him the counsel you gave her that is apparently against the husband. The man will start seeing you as an enemy. Wisdom demands that, as much as possible, you should listen to the other party before your decisions, so that you don’t give counsel that will later jeopardize your leadership.
In conclusion, the position of the pastor’s wife requires leadership skills which wisdom demands you acquire, so that you won’t jeopardize your leadership and create problems for your husband’s ministry.
Can You Be Trusted?
