THE TEST OF PEACEMAKING.
QUESTION: Are You Ready To Be The Peacemaker In The Life Of Your Husband?
If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.(Rom.12:18)
As a pastor’s wife, the test of peacemaking is another vital test you must pass. You may need to appeal to others on behalf of your husband. You may also need to appeal to your husband on behalf of others. It is important that you pass this test because, in spite being a servant of God, there will sometimes be friction between him and others. In your position as his wife, your disposition towards sorting things out will be of great significance.
David, during his flight from Saul, sent his servants to get some food supplies which Nabal could easily afford. However, instead of either giving him or at least declining gracefully, he sent annoying words to David which made David to decide to deal with him and his entire household. Often in life, as a minister of God, your husband may offend the significant others in his life without knowing. Sometimes those significant others can use words to affect his ministry negatively. Your husband who offends them might not even know he has offended them or he might not even be bothered. You, as his wife, should be in the position to know how to sue for peace on behalf of your husband.
Please read the story of how the steps taken by Abigail saved her home and let’s look at some lessons that can be derived from it:
And when Abigail saw David, she hasted, and lighted off the ass, and fell before David on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, And fell at his feet, and said, Upon me, my lord, upon me let this iniquity be: and let thine handmaid, I pray thee, speak in thine audience, and hear the words of thine handmaid. Let not my lord, I pray thee, regard this man of Belial, even Nabal: for as his name is, so is he; Nabal is his name, and folly is with him: but I thine handmaid saw not the young men of my lord, whom thou didst send. Now therefore, my lord, as the LORD liveth, and as thy soul liveth, seeing the LORD hath withholden thee from coming to shed blood, and from avenging thyself with thine own hand, now let thine enemies, and they that seek evil to my lord, be as Nabal. And now this blessing which thine handmaid hath brought unto my lord, let it even be given unto the young men that follow my lord. I pray thee, forgive the trespass of thine handmaid: for the LORD will certainly make my lord a sure house; because my lord fighteth the battles of the LORD, and evil hath not been found in thee all thy days. Yet a man is risen to pursue thee, and to seek thy soul: but the soul of my lord shall be bound in the bundle of life with the LORD thy God; and the souls of thine enemies, them shall he sling out, as out of the middle of a sling. And it shall come to pass, when the LORD shall have done to my lord according to all the good that he hath spoken concerning thee, and shall have appointed thee ruler over Israel; That this shall be no grief unto thee, nor offence of heart unto my lord, either that thou hast shed blood causeless, or that my lord hath avenged himself: but when the LORD shall have dealt well with my lord, then remember thine handmaid.(1Sam25:23-31)
There are several lessons to be learnt from this story.
Be concerned about your husband’s error.
Abigail was concerned about her husband’s indiscretion. There are matters that have consumed many ministries today, including the family of the set man, because the wife felt that it did not concern her. The truth is that it will be an error for you to believe that something that concerns your husband is not your problem. Immediately Abigail got wind of what her husband did, she knew that there would be repercussions. From her words, while appealing, one would know that Abigail actually knew the kind of person her husband was. She still decided to appeal on his behalf. Had it been she did come into the matter, the aftermath would have consumed the entire family. However serious the offence of your husband, whether with God or with men, please seek for ways to take steps towards resolution because what appears not to be your problem might even eventually affect you and the children more that it affects him.
Be innovative in handling matters.
In taking steps about the matter, you must be innovative so that you would not send the wrong message. What David needed was food supplies for his men. And that precisely was the angle from which Abigail attended it. The Bible tells us the steps that Abigail took:
Then Abigail made haste and took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five sheep already dressed, five seahs of roasted grain, one hundred clusters of raisins, and two hundred cakes of figs, and loaded them on donkeys.(1Sam.25:18)
Can you imagine! She knew what was needed and even did more than that. She did not just go there to beg but actually went along with what was needed by David. No wonder when Nabal eventually died, David felt that Abigail would be an asset as a wife and he acted on it to make her his wife. If you don’t know the step to take in a particular situation as a pastor’s wife, please pray. How you do something may sometimes be more important than even the act of doing it.
Make a Move Before It Is Too Late.
Abigail did not wait for long before taking the steps she took else the disaster would have struck. When there is an issue on ground that needs you to take steps on behalf of your husband, don’t wait for too long before taking the steps. If, for instance, it is a misunderstanding between him and a member of the church, you may want to look at it and say he is just one member of your big church whose absence may not be felt. But do you know there may be other implications, like leaving with his family. He may also say some wrong things that are not true to other members which may affect their loyalty to the ministry. However, the greatest thing that should be of concern to you is his soul. Often, simple matters wrongly perceived can make a member not just to leave the church but to outright backslide. Just because of a misunderstanding with the pastor!
It is not all the time you have to beg while making peace with someone on behalf of your husband, though. Your intervention may just be to make the other person know the truth or see things from another perspective. There are things that may be wrongly perceived, which if not corrected can lead to other problems.
One day I was talking to our workers in church about the evils of travelling out of the country and leaving your wife behind. I took time to talk about loneliness especially and also looked at other problems associated with it. One of my workers was in that category. Her husband had travelled for about four years and the problems I mentioned were a sad reality in her life. Can you believe that she took offence because she felt I was talking about her! Thank God that I noticed during the Sunday school that she was not looking good and I asked her. Initially she said there was nothing wrong, but later on, upon my insistence, she told me that I had offended her. According to her, it was her story that I was sharing during the workers’ meeting. Can you imagine! Your husband may offend people unknowingly. Once you learn of it, take steps, if you are in a position to do so, before it spreads. Some of the matters causing problems are actually baseless but they have the potential of causing major problems if they are not nipped in the bud.
Be Ready To Sacrifice.
Abigail had to put together a lot of items that were probably more than what David initially requested from her husband. Making peace sometimes requires you to sacrifice your time, your pride and even your resources as the case may be. If you look at the story, you will discover that Abigail did not confer with her husband, she just started making arrangements to right the wrong. That means some of the items she appeased David with might not be her husband’s. Even if your husband has got himself into a mess unknowingly, just like the husband of Abigail did, be ready to sacrifice whatever you may, to sort things out, because the mess may later become an embarrassment to the family and ministry.
The test of peacemaking also includes being able to appeal to your husband on behalf of others, like Esther did for the children of Israel in Est.4:16
Go, gather together all the Jews that are present in Shushan, and fast ye for me, and neither eat nor drink three days, night or day: I also and my maidens will fast likewise; and so will I go in unto the king, which is not according to the law: and if I perish, I perish.(Est.4:16)
It was a risky venture for Esther to go in and see the king at a time that the king had not requested to see her. She knew that death sentence awaited whoever did that, but she also realized that if she did not go in to seek the intervention of the king, many lives would be lost. So, she decided to place her life on the line.
There will be times that there might be offences your husband may desire to act upon. Also, there are steps your husband may want to take that may affect others adversely. There are actions your husband may take which, though justified, can have negative effects on him and the ministry. There is also favour people may need from your husband which you may be in the position to pray your husband to do. As long as it not something that will lead to any unrighteous act, go ahead and be an agent of peace in the life of your husband. May you be blessed as you do it in Jesus’ name.
Are You Ready To Be A Peacemaker In The Life Of Your Husband?
Dr. Mike Oluniyi.
