REBUILDING TRUST IN MARRIAGE.

MARRIAGE MATTERS NEWSLETTER No 011. Monday 17th June 2024.

REBUILDING TRUST IN MARRIAGE.

When offenses come, in most cases, it erodes part of the trust that you have built up individually over the years in your marital relationship as a couple. It will be helpful if we look at building up trust as savings into trust account. When you do something pleasing, it will amount to savings into the account, but when you do something disappointing, you would have withdrawn from the trust in your account. The amount of trust that may be withdrawn from your account varies with the offence committed. For instance talking to your wife rudely in the public may reduce the trust she has in you for her emotional health, but catching you in adultery with her sister may completely deplete all that you had previously saved in your trust account.
What we are addressing in this message is that you should devise means of rebuilding trust even when it has been eroded because when there is no trust in marriage, it is as good as dead. There are so many marriages out there that because there is no trust between husband and wife, the level of boding between them is zero. We should now ask ourselves how we may rebuild trust in marriage even when it has been completely eroded. Let’s look at the following strategies;

OPEN UP AND DISCUSS
Often, when you have been offended by your spouse, you could have felt so embittered that you wouldn’t want to get involved in any discussion. One of the greatest sources of healing for you however is that you should open up and express your disappointment and also allow the offender to explain himself or herself. In the process of discussion, you may discover that the matter is not really the way you felt it was. You may also discover that your spouse is not really to be blamed. Even when you discover that your spouse is to be blamed, the discussion will clearer to the two of you the next line of action towards healing and rebuilding trust. It is not good to bottle up before hearing the other person out. Bottling up may also on the other hand affect your own emotional health.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.
Even when your spouse has offended you, there may be something you did that led to the matter. For instance, if you have been denying your spouse of sex for a prolonged period of time just because you feel like doing so, though it may not be strong enough reason for your spouse to commit adultery, but for someone that wants to rebuild trust, there may be need for you to recognize the fact that you were partly responsible for what happened. Trusting that if you do your own part, your spouse may not easily fall for such temptations in the future.

LETTING GO OF THE PAST.
To rebuild trust, you need to desire to forgive or be forgiven and genuinely let go of the past. This may require a lot of sacrifice on the part of the one offended. However, when you remember your marital vows, the promises made or what you have gone through for one another in the past as the case may be, you may not find it too difficult to make sich sacrifice.

FRESH DESIRE TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE WORK.
Another strategy of rebuilding trust is a fresh desire to make your marriage to work despite all that might have happened. Indeed your spouse must have offended you seriously for all the trust to be depleted but on the other hand, if you think about the problems that are associated with divorce, you will think twice before giving up on your marriage. A strategy of building up trust is for you to trust him or her enough to give your spouse another chance, especially if your spouse is willing.

CHART A NEW COURSE.
There could be something new that you may introduce your relationship which will make it more fulfilling and more crisis foolproof. For instance, if you realize that the distance between the two of you due to the nature of your job is much, you may make up your mind that you would no longer take a job that would make you not to be with one another for prolonged periods of time. If it questionable friends that were misleading you, make your mind that in the future, you will be highly selective in your relationships. Usually, there is a remote cause of any action that reduces trust in marriage, you should identify your own, eliminate it in your future plans.

CONCLUSION.
Yes, it is possible to regain lost trust by demonstrating a re-commitment to the relationship and showing through your actions that you have learned from your mistakes. Through taking steps to rectify past issues and working towards positive change, you and your loved one can begin to gradually build trust back again.
One major fact to note however is that it is better done as a couple. The two of you must work towards rebuilding trust. If for instance you are trying to rebuild trust in your spouse who offended, he or she must also be ready change ready to change those negative ways that broke down trust, you may keep getting disappointed.