STEPS UNTO FORGIVENESS IN MARRIAGE.
Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.(Prov.4:7)
Your spouse is the most significant person in your life. Your relationship with him or her is the most significant relationship that you will ever be involved in. Any problem with the relationship is bound to have a negative impact on your life, his or her own life, your children and the society at large. Consequently, it is not a relationship to be treated lightly. Since it is not possible for you not to offend each other, it is good for you to know some of the steps that can be taken to facilitate forgiveness.
Avoid Instant Reaction.
Time heals all wound. If you allow some time to lapse before your reaction, what initially appeared to be a major problem might have reduced to a level you will find it easier to forgive.
Avoid Third Parties.
As much as possible, the matter should be between the two of you. The severity of the pain which an offense inflicts on your memory mellows down with time. Over time, serious offences may actually start getting smaller and smaller, but if others are involved, it remains big or even often becomes bigger. A lot of decisions that will be taken in the home are decisions that have to be taken personally under God’s guidance because however knowledgeable an outsider is about your home, he or she does not know the whole story.
Seek An Explanation.
Hearing out your spouse’s own view goes a long way to resolving issues because you might have been looking at the matter from different angles.
Seek To Understand.
You should really listen to your spouse with a view to understanding the factors behind what he or she has done. Try to understand his or her own point of view.
Accept Apologies.
If your spouse offers apology, you should be ready to accept it, no matter how grievous the offence may appear to be. Though you may feel better in the short run holding grudges, forgiveness heals the soul and keeps your home firmly where God, the author of marriage, wants it to be.
Accept Your Own Fault.
You are likely to discover if you are sincere, that you are not really perfect. If in any way there is a fault on your side and you readily acknowledge it, you may find it easier to forgive the fault of your spouse.
Forgive Completely.
We must learn to sincerely forgive, and when we do, it should be total. There should be no reference to the issue again. You should avoid a situation in which you will claim to have forgiven your spouse but keep referring to the offense even long after you claim to have forgiven.
Forgive In Advance.
It is possible to make up your mind that whatever your spouse does in the future to offend you, you will forgive. If you have done this, it becomes easy to actualize the commitment when the offense comes.
Conclusion.
If your spouse is the most important person in your life, and there is no way to completely avoid offenses in your relationship, wisdom demands that you take necessary steps to forgive before matters get out of hand.
Dr. Mike Oluniyi.
