MARRIAGE MATTERS NEWSLETTER 007. Monday 13th May 2024.
REMEMBER THE BEGINNINGS.
“Can a woman forget her nursing child,
And not have compassion on the son of her womb?
Surely they may forget,
Yet I will not forget you.
See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;
Your walls are continually before Me.’ (Isa,49:15-16)
Dear friend,
REMEMBER THE BEGINNINGS.
There are a lot situations that arise in marriage that would have been more amicably sorted if you remember the beginnings of your relationship with your spouse. Virtually all marriages started on a good note of high expectations of a blissful lifelong union. In fact in most cases, love would virtually blind you from seeing any potential problem that could come up in the future. Even when you can see the red flags, you would still believe that you can overcome any potential problem.
However, when there are challenges, there is tendency for you to forget those affectionate feelings that you had for one another at the beginning of the relationship. Consequently, a lot of initial unimaginable things happen, such as inability to forgive, cursing, violence, nagging, all with the potential of leading to separation and divorce. Such situations made an author to ask the question: “Where does love go after marriage?”
I had a sister, that when she wanted to marry, the entire family was opposed to her relationship with the young man on the ground that he was an irresponsible person. However, my sister left home and her thriving fashion business and absconded with the man, blocking every line of communication with her from every member of the family. Five years down the line, it was the same family that had to rescue her from the lover who had become a tyrant of some sort, almost snuffing life out of her through violence. Where was the love that they started with?
The truth is that there is no marriage that is trouble free. When challenges come, one of the factors that you should consider is to remember where you started from. Some of the factors which should come to our memory are:
THE LOVE YOU CLAIMED TO HAVE FOR ONE ANOTHER AT THE BEGINNING.
Yes, your spouse has offended you, but were you lying when you claimed that you loved him or her then? Have you forgotten how the Bible listed the characteristics of love?
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
‘Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails…’
If you claimed that you loved one another then, check the list above and explore them in your relationship, you will discover that if you really loved as you claimed then, you are very likely to do things even when you are offended as someone still in love.
REMEMBER THE POINT OF ATTRACTION.
What was the first thing that caught your attention when you first met? Do you know that though age might have modified those factors, it is still present in your spouse? Even when age has modified it, for instance the way she walked then, age has also somehow modified something in you.
Often, you see your spouse as having lost some of the traits that attracted you in the first place, it may be because you are comparing your spouse with another person’s spouse. Take another passionate look at your spouse, he or she is still that your heartthrob of those days.
Even in a situation in which there is definite change in the point of attraction, marriage relationship is for life.
YOUR WEDDING DAY AND VOWS.
On your wedding day, you gathered family member and friends together in the presence of God and vowed to be available for one another throughout your lifetime under any condition. If you got married just twenty years ago and you are now threatening divorce because of an offense, it means you might have forgotten your wedding vows.
REMEMBER THE JOURNEY SO FAR.
Your marital journey is unique to you and your spouse. If you reflect, you are going to discover that in the course of the journey, there are some adverse experiences which your spouse might have needed to go through with you. In some homes, it may be inconveniences resulting from loss of job, sickness, relocation etc, which other spouses might not have been able to endure.
If you can think about it, it is enough reason to give your relationship another chance.
WHAT GOD TOLD YOU.
If you had given your life to Jesus before you got married and you went into it with the conviction that God led you into this marriage, it is worth it to remember such at the period of offenses. What God told you about the future of your marriage to your spouse may be a great source of comfort during the period of crisis, especially when the two of you are in the faith. When you remember it, it can be a great source of comfort and assurance that it shall be well.
CONCLUSION.
As you continue in this journey of marriage, there are bound to be periods when you will be offended by your spouse. When offenses come, there are times that being deeply hurt that all you might thinking about might be separation or divorce. However, remembering the beginnings is very likely to make you to do things that will rekindle the flame of your love rather than thinking of quitting.
May the LORD grant you the grace to always bring the pleasant beginnings of your relationship to rememberance, when offended in Jesus name.
Yours In Strengthening Homes.
Mike & Yemmy Oluniyi.
