MARRIAGE MATTERS NEWSLETTERS
Monday 18th September 2024.
WHY MEN STRAY.
Last week on my radio program on Super 96.5 fm, two women called in to ask for what they could do about their adulterous husbands. Surprisingly, one man called in to tell us that he is an example of such men who stray. He then gave the reason for doing so. As a result of the fact that time was not in our favour, I decided to devote yesterday to men who stray from home in adulterous relationships.
I started by reminding them of the dangers inherent in adulterous relationships, as follows:
PROBLEMS OF ADULTERY.
- For anyone who wants to walk with God, He is against it. (Exo.20:14&17).
- You won’t like to find your wife with another man. .
- It can cut your life short.
- It can make you to contact various diseases.
- It makes your spouse unhappy and can lead to depression.
- It weakens your home because your spouse will find it extremely difficult to trust you.
- It limit your progress in life because there will be the tendency to waste your resources.
I thereafter asked men who stray to call in and give reasons why though married, they still get involved in adulterous relationships. Surprisingly many men called and even mentioned their names.
Following are the reasons why they stray from their matrimonial homes according to those that called in:
LACK OF SEXUAL FULFILLMENT AT HOME.
The first man that gave called said that he went into adultery because his wife was always looking for one excuse or the other to avoid having sex with him. It is either she is having headache or pains. This is really a major problem in the life of many women. Once we are comfortably married, many seem to forget that being available for sex is one of the most important responsibilities of a wife.
DRESSING.
The next caller gave his own reason for straying as the wife’s inability to dress well. There are a good percentage of women that seem to have the feeling that that they shouldn’t be bothered about dressing once the have started having children. They seem to forget that their husbands are seeing well dressed ladies out there.
CLEANLINESS.
The next man explained that his wife does not smell nice. Most women might look at this as annoying but the man was serious about it. Men like it when their wife smells nice. How many women would deliberately take a good shower and use perfume in preparation for a sexual session with their husbands? Women outside would go a long way to ensure that they look presentable and smell nice.
PASTORS’ WIVES.
Perhaps the one with the greatest concern was the call from a minister of God. He did not mention his name but let us know that he is pastor. According to him, he wasn’t really adulterous but he has several other pastors who are going out with other women because the wives denies them of sex deliberately because they have the feeling that their husbands dared not get in involved with another woman. Because monogamy is the rule for Christian workers, many women feel that even they deny their husbands of sex, he dare not do anything about it.
WHEN YOU MEET YOUR EX.
A man called and said he went into adultery when he met his former girlfriend at a party. Since then, he had not been able to stop either going out with the ex, who is also married or another women who according to him was better than his wife in sexual satisfaction. Whether you are male or female, you
Must beware of your former boyfriend or girlfriend because anything can still happen between the two of you if gğ
LACK OF SEXUAL SATISFACTION AT HOME.
One man called in and said that he is was outside because he was seeking sexual satisfaction which he does not have at home. According to him, he sought variety, got and was enjoying it. He had thus found it difficult to return home because his wife would not even make any attempt to make sexual intercourse interesting at all.
COVETOUSNESS.
The last call that we were able to take talked about covetousness being responsible for him going out. According to him, though he has got to the stage that he realized that what he was looking for outside was actually at home, he could not return home because it has been so difficult for his wife to forgive him. He
INSTEAD OF GOING OUT.
Why be not do the following instead of going out for other women, in view of the dangers involved.
- Try to understand your wife.
- Encourage her to change.
- Sacrifice anything you need to sacrifice for the situation to improve.
- Report to you marital mentor or marital counselor.
- Be ready to abstain from sex while the problem lasts.
- Be determined that you will not go into adultery.
CONCLUSION.
Though it appears as if wives are always the cause of infidelity in the life of their husbands, however as men, we must be more determined to wake our marriages to work. In such a situation, you will be able withstand every challenge that may come, including sexual challenges.
Dr. Mike Oluniyi.
mike.oluniyi@gmail.com
Can you share me more articules like this. This topic is a vital point that needs to be discussed in societies.
You may read articles on Communication, Conflicts and sex on this website.
Thank you.
This article is eye-opening! I agree that communication and emotional connection play a huge role in keeping relationships intact. More couples need to prioritize understanding each other
Yes, if only partners can open up on the areas of their needs and there is mutual desire to respond to each other’s need, there would be less straying.
Thank you.
The points mentioned are valid, especially the one about unmet needs. I believe both partners have to be intentional about fulfilling each other’s needs.
Thank you.
This was a great read. I think it’s important for women to also look inward and see if there are ways they can support their partner better.
Thank you. Being more intentional in keeping your home will yield great results.
You’ve touched on a sensitive topic. While I agree with some of the points, I think men also need to take responsibility for their actions.
Definitely! There are men that stray, not because their spouses are not responsive to their needs but because of other factors of their own making. What we are saying however is that each woman should do her own part so that it won’t be said that you caused it.
Yeah they do. IT IS NOT THE WIFE’S FAULT IF HER HUSBAND CHEATS!
This post really highlights some harsh realities. It’s sad that many relationships fail because of poor communication.
Yes, poor communication. When you refuse to open up to your spouse either because of her own indifference, or because you choose to bottle up, straying becomes highly probable.
Great write-up! I think societal pressures on men also contribute to why some stray. More discussions like this are needed.
That is why you must be careful about who you move with. If you move with the wrong friends who stray, it is just a matter of time before you also will stray
I love how this post breaks down the reasons why men stray. It’s a reminder that relationships require effort from both parties.
Yes, for your marriage to be a success story, it requires conscious efforts from both sides to make it work.
Very insightful! Trust and honesty should be the foundation of every relationship, but they’re often overlooked.
You are right! When they are overlooked, it is to the detriment of the home.
This article gives a lot to think about. I hope many men and women read this and work on their relationships.
Marital success requires work on both sides.
Thanks for addressing this issue. I believe more men need to open up about what they truly want in a relationship instead of straying.
There is the need for the husband and wife too to open up about their needs and there should be mutual readiness to respond to such needs. That is one of the ingredients of successful marriages.